Part of The Whole

Album Cover for Part Of The Whole

Dear fellow passenger,

For the past 5 years I’ve been treading the waters of my creativity via ‘Part of The Whole’ (though the process was simply named ‘grief’ and ‘wonder’ at that time); sometimes I’d find myself in way over my head, sometimes only ankle high and on occasion I felt that I was lost in some barren desert, desperate for an oasis, rainfall, elusive salivation even.

I didn’t know it 5 years ago, after losing my dear Dad, that the songs I was pouring my heart into would eventually become part of a whole project. Nor did I know a year later, when a long term relationship began to dissolve, that I would still be learning from loss and grief and finding refuge in writing music.

The next year, I’d find myself living in Spain, studying at my dream college and recording my music with beautiful musician friends from around the world. I couldn’t have imagined that just a few short months before.

The songs were for me; to help me cope, they were for family and friends; to offer understanding where the words weighed too heavily without melody, and they were for the ones I had lost but felt eternally grateful for having known, loved and shared life with for even the most brief of moments.

Now, the music is ready to find a new home, new ears, new hearts. I hope that it resonates with someone outside of myself. Though I am grateful for the refuge it offered me when I needed it most.

I have been self-mixing and mastering the songs, a very new adventure for me. I’m filled with doubts and lethargy sometimes, because I want it to be perfect- my fault. But then I remember the innocent little seed that was the emotion travelling from my gut to my fingers and onto a page, and I want that brave little seed to bloom.

If I have learned anything over the past 5 years, it is that even in the saddest of times there is something to learn. There is something to be experienced. There is something that can change your life, if you so need it. I’ve learned that sadness is just as important as happiness, if perhaps a little more uncomfortable; that it comes with many blessings to show us who we are, why we do what we do, how we love and things we can’t even find words for. It makes us so very grateful for the good times.

In his last moments with us, my Dad said some words that have changed my life: “We’re all in this together”. That has been my compass. It’s changed my whole view of the world. It’s had my back when things got tough again. And it’s the seed that grew into ‘Part of The Whole’. An album of music, yes, but also a process, a period in time, a mirror and compass. I could go on…

For now, I hope that you enjoy the music. Thank you for taking the time to listen. And remember, there’s nothing you can’t handle, the tough stuff is an invitation to learn and we’re all in this together!

Lots of love,

Jennifer (09.11.2019)

Credits

Thank you to the amazing musician who helped bring this album to life!

Scott Peters, Cello Duncan Yandell, Violin (Beacon Home) Rachel Lanskey, Viola Julia Selbherr, Violin (Beacon Home)

Timotej Kotnik, Trumpet Ryan Kimbrell, Saxophone (Conversations, Nobody Like You) Jelena Soro, Oboe (Little A, Big J)

Studio Co-producers: Caleb Gore (Moving Forward), Michael Bester (Beacon Home)

Recording Engineers: YuLu, Erik Lindberg, Luis Diaz

Devin Malloy, Drums Matthew Jacobson, Drums (Little A, Big J) Stephen Haiden, Drums (Nobody Like You)

Gilbert Mansour, Percussion (Little A, Big J, Moving Forward)

Kevin Reierson, Electric & Double Bass Graham Heaney, Double Bass (Little A, Big J) Ricardo Osorno, Double Bass (Moving Forward) Tabari Lake, Double Bass (Beacon Home)

Darren Giles, Electric Guitar (Nobody Like You) Mauricio Ribeiro, Guitar (Moving Forward)

Clifford Bond, Piano, Synth Organ, Keys, Synth Strings Mark Flynn, Piano (Little A, Big J)

Nobody Like You

It’s been a long day, I don’t know how it all came to this
We shared a moment so drenched deep in bliss
Nobody loved me like you

I lost my way, since I’d found it in love’s sweet embrace
I always knew your dreams would take first place
But nobody knew me like you

Well everything changed, and you took the blame
We parted one day, with a sigh
But I keep seeing your face, am I losing my mind?
Still can’t say goodbye.

Memories still play, all that’s left now of love’s last embrace
It’s hard to walk away in tears but with grace.
Nobody’s hurt me like you

It’s been a long day, and though the future is still so unclear,
And memories are bittersweet, I’m so glad I’m here
Finding the love I once knew.

It’s been a long day

Conversations

Walk away, is there really nothing left to say?
Seems like you just gave up one day
Forgetting all that we went through

Can’t you see, we both just wanted to be free
You needed the same thing as me
It’s time for us to make our move

And it’s really not my fault, all I tried to be was by your side
If you really know me, you know I fight for what is mine.

Who am I? It’s something that’s been on my mind.
We all get lost from time to time
Something we’re not alone in.

Just let go, the hardest thing it seems, I know
I’ll walk away but we won’t know
What we waited so long to see.

And it’s really not your fault that I wanted more than you could give
If we had to do it all again, I’m not sure I would change a thing

How are you? It’s been years since we’ve talked things through
I hope you finally found the truth
There’s some of us who never do.

For When I’m Gone

Keep holding on,
Know that I’ll never ever let you go
Look at all we’ve made,
This world will never be the same.

Life just changed it’s course
But I’ve never loved you more
Look for me ‘cause I’m still here
Where you always looked and always found me.

This song’s for when I’m gone
Listen to it if you’re lost or alone
And know that nothing between us will end.
I’m by your side holding your hand.

Beacon Home

Let’s walk a while, upon the shore
Let’s talk before we go.
If we have just one more day to spend
I’d ask you all the things you once dreamed
Tell you you’re the one who’s made mine real

A dance, or five… it’s been too long
That night, I wish I’d known
I’d ask you to sing all your favourite songs
And laugh at jokes I’d heard a million times before just to see you grin.

Still I hear you walking through that door
Little hazel eyes remember yours
All of me is resting on this gift you gave
Through the floor I hear you say her name.

Your hand, in time, I won’t let go
You’ll be our beacon home
When it’s gone and all is said and done
We will still be as one.

Moving Forward

Keep hold of hope 
Do want you want  
Then someday all you paid will show 
Don’t let go

Deep in a thought 
No matter what  
Soon they will draw the way to yours 
Time has shown 

Listen to the Robyn’s morning call 
Sings her songs without a care at all

Feel only awe 
For now it’s raw 
But as all in life it grows 
Not alone

Only when a feather’s flying high is it that we can see the sun 
Even then, we’re searching for the answers to all this but knowing there is none.

Look ahead, it’s always when you don’t see the sun although it’s blinding 
You’re on the path of seeing what you believe is the result of all this 
You can’t let go, time has shown, not alone, how you’ve grown.

You can see through the sky  
The way to find  
That old place you used to hide  
Years ago.

Free from the hold 
Of what you thought 
And how you ought to see the world 
Now you know.

Listen to the Robyn’s morning call 
Sings her songs without a care at all. 

Happy Costumes

The night like our love was young, red wine stained smiles
We woke from a slumber before the night turned wild.
Do you remember, as we walked the promenade
Seeing costumes so happy on faces so sad?

Seasons go by as time always will
I think of the moment the chase lost it’s thrill
Memories fade like a shadow in the night
Love grows paler in the dim moonlight.

I remember you now, since it’s that time of year.
When hearts were wild and love so sincere.
Still running away from the life that we once had.
Still seeing costumes so happy on faces so sad.

You Are Free

For all we know, the night will still be young when we grow old
But who’s to say we even get there?
The time is now, don’t wait until the day you find yourself
‘Cause who’s to say we ever find it?
So walk with pride in everything you do.

You spend so long trying to let go
Trying to grow,
Reaping what you’ve sown.
Forgetting who you are,
Neglecting how far it is you’ve come
Dismiss that fact that everything till now has brought you here.
It’s what you’ve always feared.
Shedding layers and crosses bared
Hoping no-one sees the never-ending tears.

Now we’re here
The only moment known to hold the key
Sing that song, kiss those lips
Love the one this moment’s put you with.
Fly away within
Know you’ve flown high and low and you are free

It’s been a while
I’m losing track of time
But I see you smile
I see you shine despite
All that you’ve been through
Remembering what it is to just be you
You pave the way for little ones who think that you’re the world
All they know is love
You turned the pain, shut out the blame
Time will wipe your tears now little girl.

Now you’re one
Take her hand and walk with her till dawn.
Sing that song, kiss those lips
Love the one this moment’s put you with.
Fly away within
Know you’ve flown high and low and you are free

For all we know, the night will still be young when we grow old
But who’s to say we even get there?
Now’s the time, don’t wait until the day you find yourself
‘Cause who’s to say we ever find it?
So walk with pride in everything you do.

Little A, Big J

Lullaby for Little A
Sleep in his arms, 
Don’t cry little sunshine
Keep still tonight
The moon, he will watch over you
And if you wake at night 
Just call him and he’ll hold you tight
Keep dreaming for don’t you know your dreams will come true
Stay as you are sweet child, singing your lullabies. 

 The Ballad of Big J
Larger then life he found her,  
Hiding behind the walls she built
Picking her up this one time, forever
A heart so big even I remember 
The stars in her eyes, in my skies
All the way home
Singing with me when I’m alone
Laughing and smiling saying we’re all in this together
Only a dream could make it better, only a dream….

Here at night, only the sad survives
When all the lights are low the silence grows too loud
When will I wake and see this has all been a dream?
When will we get the chance to start again in peace?

Sleep in his arms,  
Don’t cry little sunshine
Keep still tonight
The moon, he will watch over you
And if you wake at night 
Just call him and he’ll hold you tight
Keep dreaming for don’t you know your dreams will come true
Stay as you are sweet child, singing your lullabies.